Let me just start off and say this is NOT what I was hoping to blog about today.

Let me just start off and say this is NOT what I was hoping to blog about today. Yesterday, I received a call from my recruiter from the law firm. The firm I’d been interviewing with since June. Eight rounds of interviewing later including Microsoft Applications exams and behavioral assessments, I found out that the job came down to me and someone else. Unfortunately the other person was already an employee with the law firm and as my recruiter put it “We always try to promote from within.”

I put a lot of effort and time into doing the best I could to get this job. I wanted this job. I enjoyed the people I interviewed with. More than any job I’ve interview for so far, this was the best fit. The company culture, the personalities of the people I would be working with. Now it’s over. This feels like a loss to me. Allow me to share with you my stages of grief at the moment.  So while my suit is still at the dry cleaners, I’m left to pick up the pieces.

I feel angry.

I find it reprehensible that this law firm would drag me along for three months, making me jump through hoops only to decide to hire someone within their company? Thanks for wasting my time.

While I appreciate your thoughts and prayers-I'm not looking for advice at the moment. If I want some I'll ask:

            -Yes please tell me how to get a job in a city where you have never lived, in a field you have never worked in, said no one ever!

I dislike New York. I dislike that I had to move here. I know no one, I have no connections. How am I supposed to get my foot in the door. Fall is supposed to be the best season of NYC and so far I’ve just gotten a sore throat and a runny nose from it. Blah!

I dislike people who broadcast their kid’s job triumphs on Facebook when their kid a) had a family connection or b) they’re in such a specialized field that they were recruited after graduation. We all can’t be so lucky.

I feel sad.

How much more of this am I supposed to put up with before I try something else? It hurts a lot. It's humiliating. What is so wrong with me that I can’t find a full-time job?

I feel frustrated.

Since January 30^th.

128 job applications.

3 companies

4 job interviews.

Hours on Linkedin, indeed.com and careerbuilder.com

2 suits (lots of dry cleaning bills)

EQUALS

One very tired Missy….

SWITCHING GEARS….

I feel grateful.

Thank you God for my husband, my mom, my dad, my siblings, my best friends. Last night, my husband would not leave my side. I was watching TV-he's was on the couch next to me. I moved into our bedroom to look at things on Pinterest-he moved right next to me. I kept saying "You don't have to follow me around-I'll be okay." To which he replied-"I just want you to know that I'm here for you." #blessed

After I got the news yesterday, I called my family-biological or not. These are the people who pull me out of the pit. Who believe in me when I no longer feel like believing in myself.  Who are there to rejoice with me during the good times, and to offer compassion when I feel defeated. They remind me of the faith that will not be shaken, that cannot be taken from me. I firmly believe in the situations where God feels distant, that is when He reminds you of the friendships that He has placed in your life. For all of those people I am thankful. 

"All of my life

In every season
You are still God
I have a reason to sing
I have a reason to worship"

Where do I go from here?

I don’t know.

My husband just finished looking over my most recent script and I’m sending it to the Kairos Prize Competition tonight. I’ll have to wait until January for news about what happens. In the meantime, I’ve registered both scripts with the Writers’ Guild of America. This will allow me to approach producers and move forward with getting a literary agent.

I’m starting to write a novel-based on my most recent script. It’s a lot easier to get a novel published, than a movie made…

I’m looking at part-time volunteer opportunities with the 9/11 memorial and with some political offices in the city.

I’ve never stop applying for jobs and although I’m taking today to allow myself time to grieve, I’m sure it won’t be long until I pass the 200 mark for applications filled out. I will keep trying until I find a job.

Until then…

I pick up my shattered heart and spirit...

“I lay every burden down

At the foot of the cross” (~Kathryn Scott)