Here We Go Again...Training for Half #3

Three weeks in and nine more to go.

Can I be honest? Had I not signed up for this race at last year's expo for a discounted rate I might not be running. I may have looked into changing to the 10k, but I'm not a quitter, so ready or not, here it comes.

For every race I've done I always pick a theme song to encourage me during training. The song for my first half was "Let It Go."

"The fears that once controlled me, can't get to me at all."

For last year's Rock N Roll  half it was "The Middle" by Jimmy Eat World.

"Just try your best, try everything you can. It just takes some time, little girl, you're in the middle of the ride. Everything will be just fine."

This year's theme is (drumroll please) "The Climb." (yes from Miley Cyrus...well pre-foam finger Miley that is. And mom please don't google that)

In order to re-motivate myself I had to return to the excitement I felt last year at the expo when I signed up. Revisit why I'm doing this and why I want to. Maybe you need a reminder too. If you're scared. I've been there. Heck, I'm there right now. You can do it though. We can do it.

I can almost see it: that dream I'm dreaming: but there's a voice inside my head saying you'll never reach it.

It took seven years after running my first 5k to get enough courage to run a half marathon. The biggest thing that changed my mind was when I saw the New York City marathon two years ago. I saw runners who looked like me, who ran like me. I thought, "Maybe I could do that too."

Always gonna be an uphill battle

This is the first race I'm training for while working full-time and I'm exhausted.  I also didn't know that I'd still be working to take half of the 20 pounds that crept on my body after being diagnosed with Hashimoto's disease and polyocystic ovarian syndrome* last September and January.

The first ten always come off easier than the last ten, don't they? And can I just say we should all give ourselves more grace about our weight and how we look. More grace for not looking like supermodels who have been retouched in magazines, who have money for trainers, stylists and makeup artists. More grace for those who fight health issues, or who are working hard to get their pre-pregnancy bodies back.  Grace for accepting our bodies where they are today and not where they were a year ago or where we want them to be next year.

Ain't about how fast I get there.

I was always the last one to finish the mile in high school gym class. I was the slowest in college tennis conditioning. I used to be so scared if people found out how long it takes me to run a half marathon that they would disqualify me as not being a real runner.

It takes me about 2hours and 50min to 3 hours to run 13.1 miles. That's about a 13:00-13:30 min/mile pace.

You may be faster, you might be slower.  If you're scared you'll be the last one to finish, don't be. You are a runner the minute you decide you want to be.

The struggles I'm facing, the chances I'm taking, Sometimes might knock me down, but I'm not breaking.

I took a nasty spill last fall during my training. There was construction going one of the roads and when I turned to cross the road my toe caught the edge of the pavement and down I went in slow motion.

Life can feel like that sometimes. Everything is going well and out of left field, something knocks you off your feet.

Get up, keep going, you will be okay. We can't always control what happens to us, but we can control our attitude.  

Keep movin', Keep climbin', Keep the faith...Keep your faith.

Last March, I crossed the finish line for my first half marathon. 

I remember passing the 11th mile mark and being ready to call it quits. 

I was freezing! It was cold and rainy, my clothes were soaking wet. It was a smaller race and almost all of the runners had already finished. 

I was scared I wasn’t going to make the three hour time limit.

I prayed, “God if I’m going to finish this,  You’re going to have to help me, because I cannot do it alone.”

And with one foot in front of the other, I crossed that finish line.

When the time came a few weeks later for us to give Chris' company an answer about moving 3000 miles across the country into Vancouver, Canada,  again I prayed “God if we’re going to do this, You’re going to have see us through because we cannot do it alone.”

*There's a lot of information on the Internet about these illnesses. So much in fact that when I was first diagnosed my doctor told me to stay off of the Internet. Because of her advice and because I frankly don't want to reveal everything about my life on the Internet, I'm not going to go in depth on my treatment plans or my diet advice, etc.  However if have found yourself recently diagnosed with these illnesses and want to talk about it. I'm happy to do so, off line. 

Doubt is a Dream Killer

There's a scene in Harry Potter and the Order of Phoenix where Hermione describes how Cho must be feeling after kissing Harry.

Ron said, "One person can't feel all that at once, they'd explode."

"Just because you've got the emotional range of a teaspoon doesn't mean we all have," said Hermione nastily, picking up her quill again.

I don't know about you, but I have a tendency to overthink things and be overwhelmed by all the thoughts running through my head in the process.

Something as simple as writing and publishing a blog post became too overwhelming to accomplish.

I believe the devil knows how to steal our joy. He knows the lies to plant in our heads to keep us from participating in things that bring us joy. Things that bring God joy.

The ironic part of it all, is that I wrote ten blog posts last year I just didn't share it with anyone.

When I finally got brave enough to publish my "Finding Joy in the Journey" post, all of my fears and self-doubt flooded back in.

What if people hate what I write? 

What if people question my authenticity?

What if people think my posts about my trips are boastful and self-serving?

What if people make assumptions about my health issues?

What if people question my motives?

But what if someone needs to hear it.

When I was talking to my dad, the wisest person I know next to Jesus, about why I took a hiatus from writing publicly and what my reservations about blogging again were.

He told me, "You could give 100 people ten dollars, and someone would still be mad you didn't give them 2 fives."

You can't make everyone happy. I've heard that again and again. Why does it take me so long to believe it?

Doubt is such a dream killer. What is doubt keeping you from?

Is it writing that special project you've wanted to for so long?

Is it running a race you feel unqualified for?

Is it opening up to your friends so that they can help carry your burdens?

For me it's all three of those and through this blog I hope to tackle writing about special trips and adventures I go on, training for my third half marathon in late October and sharing my heart through it all.

Life is too short to be paralyzed by other people's expectations and even the voice in our own heads that wants to tell us we're not enough.

Go out and dream again, friends. Doubt is not welcome here. 

But He said to me, "My grace is sufficient for you, for my power is made perfect in weakness.Therefore I will boast all the more gladly about my weaknesses, so that Christ's power may rest on me." 2 Corinthians 12:9.

Charleston Edition

I just returned from a holiday in the sun. Yes that is a shameless reference to that Mary-Kate and Ashley movie.

I flew out on the red eye flight last Thursday night and arrived in Charlotte Friday morning. I enjoy flying the red eye going west to east, because otherwise it feels like I'm on the plane forever.

Well hello there Eastern time zone.

I'm not sure how I survived flying before without TSA pre-check. We got NEXUS cards earlier this year, mostly for my trips across the border into Washington State. I'm happy that they work at the airports.

The card is like a fast pass through customs. There's a lengthy online application and an in person interview with the custom border agents.

At US airports, the NEXUS machines take your fingerprints. At the Canadian airports, the machines scan your retinas. It flashes a green light (similar to an eye doctor's office) you stare at it and voila, welcome to Canada.

There are three things I liked the most about this vacation. 

Obviously spending it with my people. They are the best.

I read three entire books cover to cover.

Enjoying morning snuggles with my sweet nephew.

The Best Yes by Lysa Terkeurst. I cannot say enough about this book. On the third page I read "we must not confuse the command to love with the disease to please."  and I knew this book was written specifically for me.

People pleasing is one of my character faults. I'm learning that it takes so much of my time and energy that is better spent on other projects and keeping me from "my best yes" on more important projects.

Love Letters by Debbie Macomber. This is the third book in a series based on a bed and breakfast  called the "Rose Harbor Inn."  The books follow the guests that stay at the B&B.

The books take place in the Pacific Northwest which is one of the reasons I enjoy reading them.  Many of Macomber's books have been made into Hallmark movies    such as "Mrs. Miracle" and the series "Cedar Cove." Her books can sometimes feel predictable, but I always enjoy a book that ties up loose ends in a nice little bow. The next one in the series, Silver Linings, comes out Tuesday, and I'm looking forward to reading it.

The Girl on the Train by Paula Hawkins. Holy Cow! I read the entire book on my five-hour flight from ATL. It has a similar feel to "Gone Girl" with many twists and turns. Emily Blunt has signed on to play Rachel in the film version and I cannot wait to see it.

Food. Nom Nom.

I love all things southern and southern food ranks up there.

We haven't been going to Charleston very long as a family so we're still finding new restaurant gems.

Page's Okra Grill came recommended to us and I in turn highly recommend it.

Crab cakes, hush puppies, fried okra, and mac & cheese

Great key lime pie!

Until next time...