The Survivor's Tree

This post is ....

The Survivor’s Tree is my favorite place to be stationed at the 9/11 Memorial plaza when I volunteer.

The Survivor's Tree

Mostly because when people walk over to this callery pear tree that is encircled and tied down, they want to know first that this is in fact the “Survivor’s Tree.”

(There’s no plaque on purpose as the designers only wanted the names of the victims to be a permanent fixture to the memorial. )

Then the visitors want to know the story behind it.

The Survivor’s tree is a symbol of hope for not only the people who survived the attacks on the Twin Towers, but also to a country and world that struggled to move on from this tragedy.

Hundreds of people, including fellow volunteers, escaped by walking down the Vesey street stairs to safety on that fateful day. 

Back to the story of the tree, the Survivor's tree was found a month after the attacks buried under two stories of rubble. By then it was just a little eight foot blackened stump, but it was still alive.  The tree was taken to a nursery in the Bronx to be nurtured back to health. The tree had bark grafts (similar to skin grafts) and slowly grew and became stronger.

The tree survived being hit by lightning twice and 10 years after being rescued, it arrived on the memorial plaza only to be knocked down by Hurricane Irene. A mere eight feet when it was found, it now stands over 35 feet and is growing.

“The Survivor’s Tree” is the only tree that survived on the 16 acre site after the Twin Tower attacks.

Today despite all its trials, it stands under the shadow of the One World Trade Center.

New York City 1999 (the twin towers are on the left)

One World Trade (Freedom Tower) October 2014

***

Sometimes I’ve felt like that tree. Applying for job after job, constantly being beat down, and facing more rejection that I care to count. Lead after lead not turning out how I thought it would. I wanted to give up. I wanted to quit.

And this is exactly where God wanted me.

Last year when I met Abby Rike during the Amazing Grace 5k, she said something that I’ll remember for the rest of my life, she said 

“I do think God gives you more than you can handle, so that you will lean on Him.” 

Abby would know. 

And now, I do too.

I stand on the other side of this experience, more than a year of  unemployment, a year of hard work not paying off, of heartbreak and struggles, humiliation and defeat, to having a faith stronger than I’ve ever had before. 

To give unto them beauty for ashes, [...] that they might be called trees of righteousness, the planting of the Lord, that He might be glorified. Isaiah 61:3

Life is hard, circumstances are difficult, people sometimes just don’t understand. 

You have to choose:

To quit, to give up when the odds are stacked against you.

Or to persevere. When everything is stacked against you, to trust in God’s plan.

You will face heartache, you will face trials, but if you anchor your soul and spirit to one Who holds the future, you will survive and thrive. 

Joy unspeakable, faith unsinkable

Love unstoppable, anything is possible

(Thrive ~ Casting Crowns)

I'll have a lot more 9/11 stories to tell in the future, because beginning March 24^th,  I’m trading in my volunteer badge for one that says “Staff.”

After 264 Days, the news I’d been waiting for...

Flashback to 2007. I’m about to start my freshman year of college at the University of North Carolina at Wilmington. (I can now admit to both my parents and myself, that One Tree Hill and Dawson’s Creek were factors in my decision to go to UNCW). My majors were film and psychology. I wanted to work in the television or film industry someday. After I finished my freshman year, that dream changed and I transferred to Carson-Newman. Mostly because I never ever saw myself moving to Los Angeles or (especially) New York City.

Fast-forward to present day. It was a Thursday morning a few weeks ago. After seeing a commercial for Hallmark Channel’s Countdown to Christmas I head to their website to look at their movie schedule. I LOVE these movies. Sappy, corny, romantic Christmas movies that my husband will roll his eyes at? Yes please! While on their website I notice a jobs tab and click on it. Most of their job opportunities are in their Los Angeles office. I notice a Communications internship position in their New York office. There’s only one problem I’m not a student and cannot receive academic credit (which is recommended).

On a whim I apply anyway. Now, every other ‘internship’ position that said “academic credit recommended” I passed on. I thought the resumes and applications went through a computer system and if you didn't meet the basic requirement you were booted out of the process.

That same Thursday afternoon I get a phone call. Don’t get too excited it was a telemarketer. A few minutes later I get another phone call. I look at my phone and it says “Northern California”. I don’t pick up. I think to myself, “If they're not a telemarketer or wrong number, they’ll leave a message.” A minute later I have a voice mail.

You guessed it. It’s from Crown Media Family Networks (Hallmark Channel & Hallmark Movie Channel) After a quick phone interview, my resume is passed to the New York office.

Five long days later, I get another call scheduling me for an interview. I’m excited but on guard. This was a mere two weeks after my three month long job interview with the law firm imploded. I was scared and nervous. Would the outcome of this be different than the five other job interviews I’d had with other companies? Or would I once again be faced with more rejection and heartache?

The day of my interview I put on my black suit and specifically chose my black and white top. (I wore my red top for my first interview with the law firm and didn’t need any ‘bad’ luck. )

Hi-Ho, Hi-Ho, it’s off to Mid-town I go.

As I get off the train at 7^th Avenue I notice the Cinderella theatre across the street. I chuckle to myself because I’m about to change out of my casual, comfy flats to my more office appropriate high heels. 

It’s not unusual to see women decked out in designer suits wearing tennis shoes to walk around the city in. Trust me, their feet are grateful.

I head to the office and meet with two very nice women. It’s a typical interview. They do ask why I’m applying for an internship when I've graduated (twice). I say, “I’m looking for an opportunity to get my foot in the door.” I also shared with them about how I even came across the job posting. They laughed and said it was good that I was passionate and “a fan” of their network. As I was about to leave I noticed several pictures of a puggle on the lady’s desk. My family has a puggle named Rex. We traded stories about our dogs. The whole interview process was a very positive experience.

I emailed the ladies I interviewed with right away with a thank you note. One responded rather quickly and said “We’ll get back to you very soon.”

12 LONG AND EXCRUCIATING DAYS LATER….

I would most describe the time waiting to hear back from a job interview like the early days Chris and I were dating. “Does he like me? Did he have fun on our date? He would have called by now if he liked me. Should I call him? Have I waited long enough? I don’t want to bug him. I don’t want him to think I’m desperate.”

Anyways while I was visiting family in Tennessee, my curiosity got the best of me and I sent my recruiter an email. I expected an email back and didn't get one at the end of the business day. Later that night I got a voice mail  My phone didn't ring. My parent’s house is in the middle of nowhere-which is great for relaxing and quality family time-not so much for getting phone calls or WiFi.

Knowing that three weeks prior I had gotten a voicemail that ended up being bad news I was nervous to listen to it. I took a deep breath and said “God Your will, not mine” and pressed the playback button.

They extended me an offer for a part-time paid internship in their Corporate Communications and Media Relations Department.

which I joyfully accepted.  

They gave me a chance.

A foot in the door.

I called my husband at work to tell him the good news. He was so thrilled! Then I called my family. After months of having to call and tell people bad  news or call and start a conversation with “Don’t get too excited, I don’t have any job news.” I finally got to tell my family the news in person.

Two days later after accepting that offer, after a month of writing essays and taking a test, I got an email inviting me to an orientation for the 9/11 memorial volunteer trainee program. With the museum opening in the Spring of 2014, this opportunity is again a foot in the door to a wonderful organization.

Since both jobs are part-time, I can do them at the same time. I’m not sure what will happen at the first of the year, but I've learned….

“Never be afraid to trust an unknown future to a known God.”

I never intended my blog to be about my job search. When I started writing in March, I thought it would be about my new life in the city. The more I wrote about my job struggles, the more feedback I received about people going through the same thing. To the people who shared their struggles and stories with me, Thank you for being authentic. Thank you for being real. One of my sweet friends told me the other day that “With Christ, nothing is wasted.” When we share our struggles with other people, when we can share what God has done in our life, our struggles are redeemed. I was at a women’s conference the other weekend and our speaker said this profound thought. “If you want to know where God wants you, look at your wounds.”

I prayed for 10 months for God to do something big.  There’s no doubt in my mind that this opportunity was God’s handiwork. All of the things that led me to this were not mere coincidences but yet another reminder of the truth that God’s timing is not our own.

• I had only been having a 3.75% success rate on getting interviews. (148 job applications/5 interviews)
• I had skipped over every 'internship' application before.
• I just happened to have the television on at the exact moment that 'Countdown to Christmas' commercial aired.

I hope that wherever you are in your struggles; waiting for a job, a husband, a baby, a cure, that you will take comfort in knowing that indeed Jesus is still in the business of doing miracles.

“Then he said to Thomas, "Put your finger here; see my hands. Reach out your hand and put it into my side.
Stop doubting and believe." John 20:27

Time is a healer-I’m a believer. (~Adele)

Something incredible happened after I posted my last entry. Sure my post was emotional, angry and raw. I struggled with posting it, but like I’ve said before, I believe beyond a shadow of a doubt that God is using me and this situation to do something big. My prayer is that whatever comes, it will be perfectly obvious that God was up to something.

“You never said it would be easy. You only said I’d never go alone.”

( 'If You Want Me To' ~ Ginny Owens)

 

            The silver lining after my last blog post was that I received so many comments, texts and phone calls. Even my husband’s grandparents called. They actually called my husband and talked to him for a bit, before his grandmother said “Well actually we don’t have her number, but we really called to talk to Melissa.” The gist of their call, like many others, was to let me know I was loved and that they were thinking about me. The genuine theme of all of the messages were-‘We’ve been there. We’re pulling for you. Stay strong.’ Another dear friend called to check up on me from her daughter’s hospital room. I may have started out that day feeling low, but by the end of the day, with each encouraging word,  I felt better.  I am truly blessed and I appreciate everyone's kind words.

            After taking a few days to just let myself cry and be angry, things returned back to normal. I’ve always known and believed that God is at work in my situation and just like my sister so tearfully exclaimed during her toast at my wedding, “God’s timing is everything!”

So with that truth declared, onward I go with my life.

            I’m working more with Bellafina Chocolates-based in Kingsport, Tennessee. I love getting to learn more about social media technology and getting to work in the communication field. I am truly excited to help more people discover this wonderful company. The chocolate is to die for! The profits of Bellafina are donated to various children’s charities. I’m very proud to be a part of it!

            Tomorrow I leave with a group of eight women to go on an overnight retreat with my church group. New York City is only 18% Christian. Bay Ridge, Brooklyn, where Chris and I live is only 3% Christian. By comparison East Tennessee is 52% Christian. Quite honestly, I was nervous about finding a church when I moved up to join Chris in January.  Just like God did for my family in Buenos Aires, Argentina, in a city outside the Bible belt, I knew God would lead Chris and I to the right church. He did and we are grateful. We are grateful for the friendships we are making, the support we have and the growth that is going on in our faith and in our marriage.

Places where grace is soon to be so amazing

It may be unfulfilled, it may be unrestored

But when anything that's shattered

Is laid before the Lord

Just watch and see, it will not be unredeemed

Places where grace is soon to be so amazing

It may be unfulfilled, it may be unrestored

But you never know the miracle the Father has in store

Just watch and see, it will not be unredeemed.

('Unredeemed~Selah)

           

Let me just start off and say this is NOT what I was hoping to blog about today.

Let me just start off and say this is NOT what I was hoping to blog about today. Yesterday, I received a call from my recruiter from the law firm. The firm I’d been interviewing with since June. Eight rounds of interviewing later including Microsoft Applications exams and behavioral assessments, I found out that the job came down to me and someone else. Unfortunately the other person was already an employee with the law firm and as my recruiter put it “We always try to promote from within.”

I put a lot of effort and time into doing the best I could to get this job. I wanted this job. I enjoyed the people I interviewed with. More than any job I’ve interview for so far, this was the best fit. The company culture, the personalities of the people I would be working with. Now it’s over. This feels like a loss to me. Allow me to share with you my stages of grief at the moment.  So while my suit is still at the dry cleaners, I’m left to pick up the pieces.

I feel angry.

I find it reprehensible that this law firm would drag me along for three months, making me jump through hoops only to decide to hire someone within their company? Thanks for wasting my time.

While I appreciate your thoughts and prayers-I'm not looking for advice at the moment. If I want some I'll ask:

            -Yes please tell me how to get a job in a city where you have never lived, in a field you have never worked in, said no one ever!

I dislike New York. I dislike that I had to move here. I know no one, I have no connections. How am I supposed to get my foot in the door. Fall is supposed to be the best season of NYC and so far I’ve just gotten a sore throat and a runny nose from it. Blah!

I dislike people who broadcast their kid’s job triumphs on Facebook when their kid a) had a family connection or b) they’re in such a specialized field that they were recruited after graduation. We all can’t be so lucky.

I feel sad.

How much more of this am I supposed to put up with before I try something else? It hurts a lot. It's humiliating. What is so wrong with me that I can’t find a full-time job?

I feel frustrated.

Since January 30^th.

128 job applications.

3 companies

4 job interviews.

Hours on Linkedin, indeed.com and careerbuilder.com

2 suits (lots of dry cleaning bills)

EQUALS

One very tired Missy….

SWITCHING GEARS….

I feel grateful.

Thank you God for my husband, my mom, my dad, my siblings, my best friends. Last night, my husband would not leave my side. I was watching TV-he's was on the couch next to me. I moved into our bedroom to look at things on Pinterest-he moved right next to me. I kept saying "You don't have to follow me around-I'll be okay." To which he replied-"I just want you to know that I'm here for you." #blessed

After I got the news yesterday, I called my family-biological or not. These are the people who pull me out of the pit. Who believe in me when I no longer feel like believing in myself.  Who are there to rejoice with me during the good times, and to offer compassion when I feel defeated. They remind me of the faith that will not be shaken, that cannot be taken from me. I firmly believe in the situations where God feels distant, that is when He reminds you of the friendships that He has placed in your life. For all of those people I am thankful. 

"All of my life

In every season
You are still God
I have a reason to sing
I have a reason to worship"

Where do I go from here?

I don’t know.

My husband just finished looking over my most recent script and I’m sending it to the Kairos Prize Competition tonight. I’ll have to wait until January for news about what happens. In the meantime, I’ve registered both scripts with the Writers’ Guild of America. This will allow me to approach producers and move forward with getting a literary agent.

I’m starting to write a novel-based on my most recent script. It’s a lot easier to get a novel published, than a movie made…

I’m looking at part-time volunteer opportunities with the 9/11 memorial and with some political offices in the city.

I’ve never stop applying for jobs and although I’m taking today to allow myself time to grieve, I’m sure it won’t be long until I pass the 200 mark for applications filled out. I will keep trying until I find a job.

Until then…

I pick up my shattered heart and spirit...

“I lay every burden down

At the foot of the cross” (~Kathryn Scott)

"I can see a light that is coming....for the heart that holds on"

Hello friends! Long time, no blog I know. I chose to write privately the past few months. Not everything needs to be made public. (Are you reading that  Kardashians?)

Anyways so there's been some fun things going on the past several months:

My husband and I recently joined Netflix and have been watching ‘The West Wing.’ We're five seasons in. When I was younger I used to tell people I was going to be the first woman President . Not such a fan of that dream anymore, but the Press Secretary job (Allison Janney’s role) seems more like my cup of tea. Surprisingly Chris and I have yet to have some crazy debate over policy issues we’ve seen on the show. We do agree on many issues just don’t ask us about how to fix the economy…or healthcare…or affirmative action…or who will win in 2016. Two more seasons before it ends :( Any suggestions for the show we watch next?

We have two new members of our family who joined us last month. Yep we got two goldfishes! . There’s a pet store a few blocks from our apartment. They always have a few dogs playing in the window as people walk by. (“How much is that doggy in the window? Ruff ruff!) We would love to get a dog right now, but with a)no yard b) a ‘no doggy’ rule in our lease , we must wait to get one later. So our goldfishes are filling our animal void at the moment.

Hermione and Barack LeBron

We’ve been in our new place for almost three months and absolutely love it. We’re closer to a lot more restaurants and shops. One of my favorite things about our area is a walking path that overlooks the water. On one side is the Verranzo bridge (connects Brooklyn to Staten Island) and on the other end is the beautiful Manhattan skyline. It’s my favorite place to go walking and jogging. Sometimes I pretend like the Statue of Liberty is cheering for me when I run. Haha.

Manhattan side

Brooklyn side

As I mentioned I've been writing a lot lately. There’s a fabulous screenwriting competition that I discovered called Kairos Prize for Uplifting Screenplays several years ago that helps beginning screenwriters get  into the business. (Kairosprize.com)

The last time I wrote a script from scratch was in 2008. Over several years I let some trusted people read it and offer feedback. We got to the semi-final rounds in 2009 and 2012 and quite frankly I didn’t feel any urge to write again after that. I didn’t feel inspired and knew I needed to be in order to write 100-plus pages. 

Needless to say last year I was inspired by an event that happened to a friend, a very emotional and devastating experience for her and the people around her. I had envisioned writing this story for over a year, before I started writing in February. While I won’t reveal the exact story line I will say that the story takes place during Christmas (my favorite time of year) and is dedicated to my friend and other women who have babies waiting on them in heaven.

Editing at the beach. (Everything is better at the beach!)

 

So six months after writing,

FADE IN: 

INT.-MILLERS'HOME-LIVING ROOM-NIGHT

 

 I now have a solid first draft that I'm constantly re-reading and re-writing.

 I used the Syd Field's mapping method to layout the script in its entirety before I started writing anything on my computer(an index card represents a scene and the different colors represent one of three acts, with the second act split into two sections. That's why there's four colors.)

 

56 index cards and 103 pages later....'The Pajamas' is completed (first of many drafts anyways.)

I've also had some other things come my way in the past few months. A few weeks ago, a friend back in Tennessee asked me for some help with doing publicity for her chocolate business as I'm waiting for a full-time job up here. It helps pass the time and I enjoy being able to use my skills to help Brenda get the word out about her wonderful company, Bellafina chocolates.(http://bellafinachocolates.com/)

I’ve been going back and forth with deciding what to post and what to not post about my job search. (Hints the hiatus from blogging the past several months). Obviously it’s very exciting to have interviews but it’s also difficult if things don’t work out because people are like “did you get that job?” and it reopens the wound.  However I realize that job searching is an incredibly lonely experience and if I can make at least one person feel like "I'm not the only one!" then it is worth the risk of the possibility I may not get this job. 

With that being said, since June 26^th, I’ve been interviewing with a law firm in Manhattan. I’ve had a phone interview, in person office interview, another phone interview, two computer tests, another phone interview and lots of waiting in between. Just yesterday I was asked to come back for yet another interview, in person , in the coming weeks. This makes for seven rounds of interviews (if you’re counting)

Like I’ve said, the job searching process has been a roller coaster ride. I could write pages and pages (and I have privately) about the emotions and frustrations that come with looking for a job, the devastation that comes from rejection emails and the hopelessness that comes after months of no answers. Brenda, my friend who owns the chocolate company I’m working for, sent me this encouraging note in an email. It perfectly sums up how I want to feel about this time:

"I believe that someday you will look back on this period and it will be perfectly obvious what God was up to!"

My advice to those job seeking and waiting. Oh boy is waiting the hardest part. Work hard on your resume and apply for jobs everyday. Treat applying for jobs as your full-time job. In the meantime,  find something you love to do while you wait. Pick up a new hobby, go for walks and runs, or write a screenplay. Use the time you have to find something you're passionate about. More than all of that though, surround yourself with positive people. People who encourage you and love you. When nothing seems to be going your way, the people around you will make a huge difference. 

"I can see the light that is coming....for the heart that holds on" ('Never Let Go' ~Matt Redman)

We live in a world of comparing ourselves to others. Whatever happened to just doing the best we can?

I originally wrote this blog post on Wednesday. Due to unforeseen circumstances on Thursday and Friday a rewrite was in order. You see I was interviewing with two fantastic companies. I had great phone screens, passed the writing and skills-based tests, and moved on to in person interviews with both companies. I did my homework. I could tell you the name of their CEO, the school the people interviewing me went to, what the job entailed. I knew my resume backwards and forwards. But it wasn’t enough. My journey with each company ended. One company was very complimentary and just said that my skill set would be of better use in another department and invited me to reapply next month. The other company…well let’s just say the buffoon  man who interviewed me has clearly never met anyone from the south and if he thinks I sound funny…he should hear himself talk. Enough of that…but really ignore what you read on linkedin, etc. there is NO WAY to know what to expect in interviews, other than “So tell me about yourself?” So make sure you know that.

It’s humiliating to come so close. I must say I was excited with the idea of going to visit my hometown next week with the news of having a job under my belt (knowing that the question would come and it’s a fair question.)

 As women I feel like there’s something we’re always beating ourselves up about. We live in a world of comparing ourselves to others. We need to be doing more around the house, cooking at home more often, spending more time with our kids, less time at work, etc. Whatever happened to just doing the best we can?  I’ll tell you what happened to that. Competition and comparison. It seems like life has become an event of “who can do it better”. My goodness!

A few days ago I shared a post on Facebook about feeling discouraged after a job opportunity didn’t work out. Two women, whom I greatly admire from my home church, took time to write me messages, sharing their stories of starting out in the world as young career women. It was such an encouragement to hear from other women who say they’re praying for me and who have walked the same journey.  So often in life we only want to share the good going on. We shield the pain we’ve been through. The hurt, the humiliation, the defeat. But boy, can God use that! He can use our struggles to reach others, just like the stuggles of those women helped to inspire me. Just like I am (hopefully) doing with this blog post.

Rejection and disappointment is a part of life. We all know that.  However, as is the case in the following story….God’s timing is everything and he uses all things for good!

A few years ago, three and half to be exact, I met a guy.  We had been friends for a little while and I wanted us to be more than friends. So I asked him to have coffee thinking that we might hit it off. Even if nothing came of it at least I put myself out there and wouldn’t wonder “what if”.  He said yes, we had coffee and we spent nearly four hours chatting about our lives, movies and current events. I was smitten and just knew I had found a special guy. Well, the very next day, he hopped on a plane to fly across the country and I didn’t hear from him for nearly eight months. Rejection at its finest.

Jerk.

Fast forward to present day. The jerk actually goes by another name now. My HUSBAND. It’s a pretty crazy story how we ended up together. A story that only God could have crafted. One that has His fingerprints all over it. In fact we came together in the summer of ’10 because of jobs. Chris’ internship at Pixar was not renewed and I was working as an intern at church having not gotten the internship the previous year. We both had some disappointing experiences with jobs but everything worked out.  Yes, God’s timing is perfect.

My dad always says “God can see around corners.”  I have no idea what God has in store for me in the coming months and years. I believe whole heartedly what it says in scripture that God will never leave us or forsake us in our journeys. 

Three years ago in that Starbucks on Eastman Road I never could have imagined that I would be married to the tall handsome man sitting across the table from me. I can’t even begin to fathom the journey that God with lead both Chris and I on in the next few years but I know it will be something beyond my wildest dreams. 

So while at the moment I may feel defeated and rejected…I know that I’m close to a wonderful beginning with a job and career that God has already selected for me and it’s because of the miracles and actions that God has continuously provided to me in the past (my wonderful husband, those godly women, and my salvation) that I know the best things are yet to come!

"I have told you these things, so that in me you may have peace. In this world you will have trouble. But take heart! I have overcome the world."

John 16:33